were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
