The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
