Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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