haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
