dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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