Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
