I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
