saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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