am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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