I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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