I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
