who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
