she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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