no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
