Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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