This is not my ceiling
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
