do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
