Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
