I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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