tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Everclear isn't food dammit
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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