Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
