i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
