just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
