Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
