I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
