As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
