She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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