if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
