end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
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