i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
