I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
