Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
