Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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