did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
