U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
