is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I looked at my own cervix.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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