she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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