i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
