Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
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