Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
