Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
