I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
