how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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