What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
