Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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