i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
