I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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