I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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