Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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