we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't deserve a penis
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
