guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
