For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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