just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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