Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
