Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Randomize
