i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
