i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
