I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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